John Mellencamp is usually known for using his gravelly voice to sing vague lyrics about the “heartland.” But now, the guy who brought us “Jack & Diane,” “Pink Houses” and “Hurts So Good” has turned his attention away from the center of the country to almost its very edge: Portland, Oregon.
Mellencamp’s new song “The Eyes of Portland” is all about the main thing people who don’t live in Portland love to talk about: How destroyed the city is.
Portland, burned to the ground, ravaged by homelessness, drug users on every corner. You’re classic wasteland scenario.
People who live in Portland know that we have some problems. There are people struggling, living outside or in their vehicles. The drug situation is terrifying and dangerous. Yet Portland is also a lovely city, full of beautiful parks, quiet streets, trees, rivers, bike paths, restaurants, friends, shops, ice cream, donuts. It might be the best major city in the entire country. Might be? Is.
People who have visited other major U.S. cities know that homelessness is not just a Portland problem. It’s a nationwide problem, stemming from all sorts of long-standing nationwide issues, which make it very hard to “fix” at the local level.
But that nuance doesn’t make it into Mellencamp’s new “song.” And I am using quotes here because this song has a very “I put a prompt into ChatGPT and this is what came out” vibe.
Take, for example, the opening lyrics: “As I saw through the eyes of Portland one day/ There were so many homeless, they’d all gone astray/ They slept on the corners during the day/ As not to be harmed when the sun went away.”
What? This is just word salad created by a machine that knows the basics of how to rhyme. Whether that machine is a computer or Mellencamp’s brain, I cannot say.
You will be unsurprised to hear it doesn’t get better from there. Because this is a song, there is a chorus. And it ain’t good: “All of thesе homeless, wherе do they come from?/ In this land of plenty where nothing gets done/ To help those who are empty and unable to run/ Your tears and prayers won’t help the homeless.”
First of all, let me be clear that I don’t like to say mean things about people and I don’t like to write negative things on the internet about art, either. I’ve learned the hard way, it’s usually not worth it. But John. John Cougar. John Cougar Mellencamp. This is worth it. What is this?
“These homeless” for one, are people. People who could answer you if you posed the question, “Hey, where are you from?” I get the strong feeling that you’ve never actually spoken to a person living on the street, which is where I would start if I were going to write a song ostensibly about their perspective.
Instead of speaking to a human, Mellencamp falls back on some of the most boring cliches available.
“Some are mentally ill, some are higher than kites,” he sings. “Selling their bodies as day turns to night.”
Really? “Higher than kites?” If I were teaching a middle school poetry class, I would circle this and say, “Can you think about what this means and come up with something more concrete?”
If it were a high school poetry class, I would probably just cross it off with a big red marker and write, “Do better.” (Just kidding. Don’t come after me. I would never teach high schoolers how to write poetry. I am not that brave.)
Possibly the funniest or saddest or best or worst part of this song, depending on your mood, is the fact that the music video isn’t filmed in Portland at all. Nope, that’s the Los Angeles skyline you’re seeing.
All and all, it’s not good on a song level or a human level. That’s going to be a pass from me.
Anyway, watch the video or better yet, don’t.
— Lizzy Acker
503-221-8052; lacker@oregonian.com; @lizzzyacker
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