Dear Amy: I have been with my husband for 29 years. For the most part, we are happy and compatible.
However, over the last three years he has changed course on me. What I mean is that we were both Christians, until he embraced a New Age philosophy that is in no way compatible with my Christian beliefs.
He stopped attending services with me, and has no interest in our church anymore. This hurts me deeply. I feel betrayed.
I still love him, but this has put up a barrier between us. It has also caused trust issues on my part, due to some of the comments he has made.
For instance, he says that God wants us to be happy, so we can just throw our inhibitions to the wind.
Also, he sees no problem with women going out in public half-naked.
According to him, God does not want us hiding our bodies.
Also, he believes it is OK for a partner to cheat if he or she is unhappy, because God wants us to be happy.
It seems his morals have gone out the window along with his religion.
What do you think I should do?
– Hurt and Confused
Dear Hurt: Although I do believe that every person has the human right to explore spiritual beliefs and practices, I can’t really comment on the current spiritual differences between you.
Diving into the points you raise, yes – your husband has drifted away from your church – and you.
Does God want us to be happy? I’ve never understood God in such a personal and superficial context, but who am I to say?
Women going out in public half-naked? Hmm – I suppose that’s a matter of personal preference.
Does God want married people to cheat in order to chase their own happiness?
Ah-ha! Now we’ve arrived at your husband’s motivation. Everything else is boilerplate.
This is a marital issue. I think you should assume that your husband has fashioned a God that will approve of his behavior, as a way to gaslight you.
Dear Amy: I am a Christian woman in my 60s.
I have to go to a great nieces wedding, and they are having a cocktail hour at a bar next door.
I don’t want to go to a bar. My husband thinks it’s OK to go there and have a soft drink.
For me, no. I don’t want to be seen in a bar and do not think it’s right for me to even pretend I’m drinking alcohol or put on the illusion of doing so.
I want to set a good example for others and maintain my own standards.
This wedding is being held in a casino (which I don’t care to go to either), but I am obligated.
Would it be acceptable to just stay at the casino between the end of the ceremony and beginning of the reception? Or go to my car?
I believe I am being led to stay out of the bar
– Nondrinker
Dear Nondrinker: People who go to bars and drink soft drinks are not pretending to drink alcohol. They are simply enjoying a soft drink at a venue which also serves alcohol.
However, you are not obligated to attend the cocktail hour before the reception. This cocktail period is usually provided for guests while the wedding party is being photographed before the reception.
And – not to put too fine a point on it, but casinos are also dens of iniquity. If you want to avoid temptation, you might want to stay in your car.
Wherever you choose to perch during this period, I hope you will do your best to attain and maintain a non-judgmental attitude toward other guests.
Dear Amy: I am a college librarian whose job (among many) is to make purchases for our students and the community at large.
I greatly appreciate your encouragement of reading, as well as your book recommendations. There is even a word for this: bibliotherapy!
I incorporate your choices into my purchasing (although we sometimes already have them).
You must be a huge reader with a large book collection of your own. I am sure many other librarians take notice and cheer. Thank you.
– Kim in Reading PA
Dear Kim: I am in fact a huge reader with a large book collection, as well as a wonderful local library, which I often patronize.
Bibliotherapy is my favorite kind of therapy, and I’m happy to inspire others to improve their own lives through reading.
You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068.
