DEAR ABBY: Recently I have found myself in a difficult spot. My whole life I dreamed about marrying a college football player and, for the past eight months, I have been in a serious relationship with one. Last week he called me and told me we should take a break.
Immediately afterward, I have met up with a close friend from high school, and I think I may be developing feelings for him. He doesn’t have the great looks my boyfriend has, but he is much kinder to me and he treats me right.
I’m stuck because my boyfriend called me last night saying he wants to talk over dinner, and I think he wants to get back together. Should I stick with my longtime, super-good-looking boyfriend, or leave him for the guy I know will treat me right? — HARD CHOICE IN THE WEST
DEAR HARD CHOICE: You do not marry an occupation; you marry a person. A handsome partner who distances himself from you one week and wants to reconcile the next would make a terrible husband. Take it slow and stick with someone who will treat you right and you will have a far happier life. Trust me.
DEAR ABBY: I’m 24, married and have no children. I don’t consider myself to be nervous when I’m around children, but when they’re in my home or car, shouldn’t I be allowed to ask them to stop whatever they’re doing wrong without the mother getting upset?
My neighbor and I carpool twice a week to our dance workout classes. Her child was topsy-turvy all over the back seat with her shoes leaving marks on my back window. When I asked the child to please take her feet off the window, her mother, to my surprise, announced that next time she would drive her own car, that SHE was uncomfortable and “hoped my future children would be perfect”! She also remarked that I’m the same way in my home.
Abby, was I wrong not to let it go when I was uncomfortable in my car? — SOILED IN SANTA FE
DEAR SOILED: No, you were not wrong. In case you have forgotten, children are required by law to wear seat belts (or sit in a car seat) when in a moving vehicle. In your car and your home, your rules should prevail. No one should create a mess, and if an accident does happen, the parent should clean it up. The woman overreacted. “Mother of the Year” she is not.
DEAR ABBY: My 10-year-old daughter is a beautiful girl inside and out. She’s caring, loving and sweet to everyone. My only concern is that she still sleeps in the bed with her mom. While I don’t object to this and am willing to sacrifice and sleep elsewhere, should I be concerned about her psychological development? — HER DADDY IN NORTH CAROLINA
DEAR DADDY: Most children in our culture have learned to sleep independently by the age of 2. Your daughter should not have displaced you from your marriage bed for the last 10 years, but that is a separate issue. Because you are concerned about whether the sleeping arrangement is damaging to her psychological development, the resource to consult is a licensed child psychologist.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.