Dear Annie: I moved away from my abusive family as soon as I was old enough. To save money, I moved in with a person who was in similar circumstances. Although “Cindy” is quite a bit older than me, we thought that being roommates made sense because of our similar backgrounds.
Cindy and I got along well at first. However, it’s been close to a year now, and things have started popping up. Cindy is a Bible-thumping believer, as was I (due to our backgrounds). However, my views have changed since I’m on my own, and Cindy’s have not.
Another problem is that Cindy is sometimes oblivious to other people’s needs and feelings. Once, she was a half-hour late to something we needed to do together, and she only gave me 10 minutes advance notice that we would be so late. I had made plans for the time AFTER we were supposed to be finished, and she made me miss them.
I have already started looking for a new apartment. But then Cindy dropped a bombshell. She has applied for a job with the same company where I work. She says “we could share rides together.” She can’t manage money and can’t afford a decent car, so the one she has is constantly breaking down. I immediately told her that while I could ride with her occasionally, I would not be doing that all the time, as I look forward to the half-hour drive by myself every day. But I can’t stand the thought of seeing her 24/7! I’m too polite, so how do I tell her that? — Roommate Trouble
Dear Roommate Trouble: Cindy might be quite a bit older than you, but she is acting like a child. Start by telling Cindy the things you like about her, and then calmly outline the things that are really bothering you about this roommate situation, just as you did in your letter. It’s good that you told her you don’t want to carpool, but you should also tell her that you have started looking for a new apartment.
Set the boundaries that you need, and the rest is up to Cindy. You’ve put up with too much abuse in your life already.
Dear Annie: My spouse and I live close to many members of our extended family. We were out of town for Easter. My adult son saw on Facebook that the rest of the family had gathered to celebrate, but he had not been invited. This has happened more than once. My son feels pretty bad about it and wonders why he wasn’t included.
I don’t know if we should just ignore this or say something. What do you think? — Sad for Son
Dear Sad for Son: It’s really difficult to be excluded, especially if it’s family. Lots of times, rejection is just God’s protection. Now that he knows how hurtful and exclusionary his family can be, he can plan ahead, perhaps with friends, and have Easter with them. Or perhaps you and your husband could take him with you.
If you think that this was simply an oversight, where the family member who organized the Easter celebration just assumed your son was not in town, it would be worth asking them and letting them know how hurt your son was.
Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.
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