Dear Annie: So I’m pretty sure I know what the right answer is and you’ll be shaking your head at my letter; however, I feel like I’m on this adrenaline rush.
I am married and have been together with my wife for 13 years. We have a good relationship aside from some family issues on my end.
I made a new friend, a parent at my daughter’s school. I handle pickup, and after school, all the kids go to the park. Well, “Maria” sat with me one day and then for the last month or two, we’ve pretty much waited for each other, walked up to the pickup area and just talked. She’s not my type. She’s a smoker, a heavy drinker and swears a lot, but I am just so fascinated! She’s cool to talk to, and I’m just so zoned out when we are together.
But there’s more. We hung out. She met me at a halfway point, hopped in my car and we went to a brewery for a couple drinks. That’s it. But it was just so much fun. She joked about having a couple shots together one day. I went to pick up dinner one night and texted her saying, “Hey, want some pizza? You got the shots?” I hurried to her place, and I swear she was wearing a lingerie robe nightie. (She said she would be dressing comfortably being at home.) She even said we will have sex someday and could right now. We didn’t, but it didn’t bother me one bit. We had a couple shots and I left, but I am just so smitten. My hope was since our kids are best friends, we can keep in touch.
I know I’m playing with fire, and I am on this high. I guess I am hoping for some logical right answer. — Wandering Mind
Dear Wandering: You’re absolutely right: You’re playing with fire, and you know better. What feels like a high now will be nothing but a devastating low in the long run — not just in the way it could jeopardize your marriage but also impact your children. What would having an affair with their best friend’s mother do to them?
Redirect your energy from “Maria” to your marriage. With the help of a couples counselor, you and your wife can reinvigorate your relationship and get things back on track, but it will require you to be present and honest, with her and with yourself.
Dear Annie: I have a 30-year-old daughter who has a dilemma. She has become good friends with a relative of one of her patients. He is an older gentleman who has taken her for meals, taught her to play tennis and has showered her with occasional gifts. Now he wants to be more than friends. She has told him very politely that she likes being his friend but that she doesn’t want a “sugar daddy,” and she’s not the kind of girl who wants him to “buy” her favors. She likes his friendship but doesn’t need or want more than that. Now what should she do? — Concerned Mom Dear Concerned Mom: Your daughter has, very smartly, set clear boundaries with this man. Now, she just has to be consistent and continue upholding them. Playing tennis or grabbing coffee together is one thing — both innocent and perfectly acceptable for friends to do together. If he tries to take things beyond what she is comfortable with, he risks losing her friendship. Someone who truly cares for your daughter will make it a priority to behave and treat her in a way that makes her feel safe and at ease.
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