Dear Annie: My husband and I were invited to a friend’s house for takeout dinner. I asked what to bring, and she originally said nothing but then said a bottle of wine and a dessert.
When we arrived with the dessert and two bottles of wine, she informed me that she wanted us to pay for our part of the takeout. We have had them over for takeout and never asked them to pay. In the past, when we’ve had dinner at one of our houses, the person doing the inviting provides the main course.
I was totally shocked and didn’t know what to say. This really bothers me because we consider them friends. We paid them for the food, but I am really disgusted that they treated us like this. When she invited us for dinner, she should have told me that she wanted us to pay, and we could have declined the invitation.
Any advice you can provide would be appreciated because I don’t know how to handle this. — Shafted by Dinner Date
Dear Shafted: I wholeheartedly agree with you and your husband. If splitting the cost of the meal were that important to your friends, they should’ve informed you beforehand and, in the spirit of fairness, offered to split the expense of the dessert and wines you brought.
The next time they reach out to get together, perhaps you can suggest cooking in, a more economical option, or both of you preparing a few dishes potluck-style. Given how this gathering unfolded, I would imagine it’s likely that history will repeat itself, in which case, it’s understandable to decline future visits entirely.
Dear Annie: I have two step-grandchildren, a 16-year-old boy and a 13-year-old girl. My grandson is completely out of control and was recently expelled from high school for truancy and drug use. My granddaughter was recently caught vaping in the school bathroom and was expelled for a short period of time. There are days when she refuses to get up and go to school, and when she does, she often skips her classes.
My stepson-in-law and stepdaughter are at the end of their emotional “rope” on what to do with their kids. I resent the kids coming over to our home because of what they are putting their parents through. Any ideas on how to handle these two troubled teens? — Heartbroken Grandparents
Dear Grandparents: It’s common for kids this age to act out, but they can’t rule the roost. They need to understand that their actions have real consequences. Discipline must start with your grandchildren’s parents, and as long as they’re teens living at home, they have to abide by the house and school rules, no ifs, ands or buts.
The way you’re feeling — frustrated and resentful — makes sense considering the situation, but it might help your grandchildren to know they have you as a trusted adult figure in their lives at times they feel they can’t turn to their parents. Attending family counseling would equally benefit the parents and children alike.
Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.
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