Dear Annie: Eight years ago, it felt like I had a mental breakdown trying to deal with all the clutter coming in our house. I told this to my wife, but her reply was to justify why she needed everything.
Meanwhile, my frustration turned from anger to rage, and I started throwing things and shouting at her and not understanding how attached she was to her stuff. I threw boxes and boxes into the trash. Fast forward eight years to the present, and the situation hasn’t gotten any better. Her relationship with me has been put in a box and stored somewhere in the garage. These last eight years, I’ve been trying to cater to her and make her feel happy again. Me throwing her stuff away was like I was killing the kids or something.
I was wondering if it’s possible for me to file a lawsuit against her. I feel like I’ve been living in a prison for the last 25 years. It has pushed me to a point where I feel like I am losing control of myself. I am suicidal and depressed. I totally realize my actions were uncalled for. But it just felt like I was backed into a corner, and I kept getting prodded and poked and finally I unloaded.
This was totally out of character for me, but when you ask your wife, day after day, to please pick up her paperwork from the dining room table and nothing happens except more piles of paperwork start accumulating — it’s too much.
Anyway, I was just wondering if there’s some way we could get the justice system involved to get her help. I’m just so frustrated that I put 25 years of my life into this woman, and she just took advantage of everything I have done for her.
So now she’s put a restraining order on me. It was delivered to me as I was checking out of the Veterans Affairs mental hospital.
On the day I arrived for the restraining order court date, she served me with divorce papers. And then, true to her hoarding nature, she is attempting to cut me out of everything and keep it all for herself. I feel so helpless. I’m not seeking revenge or trying to make her life difficult. But I would love to see her get some help. — Left Out
Dear Left Out: At this point, the best “revenge” for all the turmoil and depression that you say she imposed on you, through her cluttering and giving up on the marriage, would be to live well. The best way to live well is to focus on what you can control. You can’t control her actions, but you can seek help for anger management, depression and grief counseling for the marriage that did not work.
The best lawyer to get would be a divorce lawyer. And keep seeking help from the VA mental hospital. Good luck to you.
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