Dear Annie: My husband, “Gary,” is unemployed. Has been for the 4.5 years we’ve been together. Although I work 40 hours a week or more, at least he cleans up the house and does laundry.
We broke up at the end of March but recently got back together. His aunt comes to watch the kids while I work, and he leaves. I clean for a living and after eight hours do not want to come home and clean. I have to go straight into mom mode and get our daughter and son ready for bed, clean up the house and do dishes.
I feel that since I work five days a week (12 p.m. to 8:30 p.m.) and get home around 9:15 p.m., he should stay home with the kids. He’s not a very paternal person; some men just aren’t. But he doesn’t do anything with the kids. Also, he gets mad at me because I’m too tired (mainly for sex) and thinks I should give him money whenever he asks, which he’ll just blow on gambling.
I love him, but it feels like a lot more work than it should be, and I’m not that happy. He also knows what to say that can make me feel bad for not wanting sex or wanting to just go to bed. Please, any advice? — Unappreciated
Dear Unappreciated: First, I want to acknowledge how hard you are working. You sound like a wonderful mom who is providing for her family and being present when they get home. My advice is to tell your husband that the current situation is not working for you.
He should either get a job and you can stay home with the children, or he stays home with them and stops gambling. Blowing your hard-earned money on gambling sounds like he might have an addiction. Regardless, you need to stop letting him treat you with such disrespect, and the only way to do that is to stop giving him money. Seek the help of a professional marriage counselor.
Dear Annie: Some of your younger readers have written to you about not knowing where to start with credit in their finances. This reflects a pet peeve of mine, which is the sad state of education for our young people. Sometimes, there is some level of personal financial education, but all too often, there is none! Given that financial knowledge is of such huge importance, in my mind it is criminal that more education in personal finance does not take place. I say shame on our educational system!
I remember when I was still a teenager, in the early ‘60s, I needed something and did not have the money for it (all of $35 in those days). Sears gave me a credit account, which I dutifully paid off. Building on that small start, I have over the years built an excellent credit rating. The key was to start small and be responsible.
I am in the financial planning business, and in our practice, we have primarily middle-income Americans, plus a few high-net-worth clients. But we also have more than a few quite small clients (usually participants in small company retirement plans). We have always subscribed to the adage that from small acorns, big oak trees grow. My point is there are financial advisers out there who are willing to give an earnest young person advice. — Financial Protection
Dear Financial: That is excellent advice, and your experience with that first credit account was invaluable. In fact, it has lasted a lifetime for you, as it will for others who follow your advice. Thank you for writing.
Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.
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