Dear Annie: I’m 42 and, due to having epilepsy, have never been able to live on my own, without my parents. I haven’t had any kind of social life for the past 13 years. My illness began the year after I graduated high school, and it gradually got worse with time. I have lived with my mom through childhood, and from my senior year of high school until I was 38, I lived with my dad. Now I’m back living with my mom.
Since 2010, I haven’t been able to drive or work, and since my license was suspended due to my illness, my life has been permanently put on hold. I’ve had one friend in all that time, and unfortunately, he lives in New York, while I live in Virginia.
Since having my illness, I have been treated like nothing more than a toddler. When it comes to my parents, especially my mom, I’m not ALLOWED to do many things, including being left alone. My mom thinks that the second I’m alone, I’m going to have a seizure, and the more my condition improves, the more controlling over me she gets.
She has, though, done a massive amount when it comes to my health, helping me throughout these past few years. But in the end, she always has to step up and tell everyone what she’s done and how I wouldn’t have improved if it hadn’t been for her. We had an argument last week over something very petty about my condition that spiraled out of control, and that turned my whole family against me. I’m stuck with her because, even with my dad living close by, he’s unfortunately in the hospital, and I have nowhere to go.
The more we’re around each other, the more the argument spirals, and the more I don’t want to be here. Every time her phone rings, which is a lot, I know it’s either a call or a text about me, because she has made herself out to be the victim in this whole situation, so she’s calling and texting all my family members about everything going on. Because nobody wants to, or will hear my side of the story, they only know her side, so it’s extremely frustrating dealing with this situation. — Turned Against My Family
Dear Turned: Just like you say, your mom is making herself out to be the victim. But you are acting like a victim yourself by saying that no one wants to hear your side of the story. You are not a victim, and you are not a toddler. Have an open and honest conversation with your mother about your rules, how you don’t like to be treated like a toddler and how you want to be able to do more things.
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