Dear Annie: As a 31-year-old female who is a sober alcoholic, I’d like to offer my advice to parents of alcoholics who put their foot down by telling their grown “children” to either stop drinking and using or leave the house. Good for you!
I don’t actively work in a traditional recovery program, but I go to therapy and take medications to make sure I stay sober.
When parents refuse to take a hard line with an addict son or daughter, they are enabling alcoholism and drug addiction. Picture a young adult living in his childhood bedroom, taking meth at night until 5 a.m. Meth does that, no matter how old the kid is.
My parents kept taking me back, and it was a cycle of sobriety and relapses for me until I moved out. It’s so easy and comfy at Mommy and Daddy’s. Being on my own was and still is scary, but it reminds me to stay sober to keep my job to pay the rent. I have more savings now than when I didn’t pay rent, and my relationship with my parents and siblings and nieces are a thousand times better now that I live on my own again. I wish I had done it years ago. I’d rather pay rent, be sober and have a happy relationship with my family.
Maybe one’s son or daughter can’t move out. Then hold them accountable for a share of the rent and chores to make up the difference. Make it hard for them to be 30-year-olds living at Mom and Dad’s house. Test them and make that a stipulation for living there — no drugs or alcohol. Rehab would be a better alternative. — Sober Alcoholic
Dear Sober Alcoholic: Congratulations on your sobriety. Using your own personal story to help others is one of the most powerful motivations for change. It helps people feel less alone when they are going through a tough time.
You are right that enabling an addict to stay under a cozy roof of their parents’ house is not doing the addict or parents any favors. Saying that you wish you had done that years ago will inspire other parents to follow your sound advice.
Dear Annie: This is advice for the reader who was “Going Nuts” because the highway noise came into her house. Start by investing in double-paned windows. They insulate against exterior heat and cold as well as noise. We live very close to a major freeway, and our quality of life has increased tremendously. Why suffer? — There Is a Solution
Dear Solution: Thank you for your excellent suggestion. Many readers wrote in with similar advice, and let’s hope it works for the lady who said she was “going nuts” because of the noise.
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