Dear Annie: I love the gym. It has really helped me gain confidence and strength. I have been going to the same gym in our small town for roughly 10 years. I know all the people there and enjoy my time there — until lately.
There is a woman who just started going to the gym who is toxic. She really hurt a dear friend of mine, whose child was in the same class as her child, by spreading vicious rumors that she was having an affair with a tennis instructor. This was not true. She is the typical mean girl from middle school who we all choose to forget — the girl who never grew up.
Aside from comforting my hurt friend, I never came into contact with this woman until she joined my gym. Now I have to see her daily, and it bothers me. It seems like every time I sign up for a class, she is also in the same class. — Took Away My Happy Place
Dear Took Away: Don’t let her take away your happy place. So long as she does not try to engage you in conversation, just ignore her. The gym is a big place with lots of people, so don’t let one bad apple spoil the bunch. Focus on your exercises and on the kind people, the friends you have made at the gym over the years, and you won’t have time to focus on her negativity. If you consciously choose to focus your attention on all the wonderful people and experiences you have at the moment, she will become like white noise in the background, and you won’t even notice her.
Dear Annie: I was hanging out with my closest friend, “Alice,” and her friend, “Jane,” and they started talking about Alice’s ex-boyfriend. They asked me to leave for a minute so they could talk privately, but then they avoided me for the rest of the day.
Once Alice and I both got home, she sent a message saying our friendship wasn’t working and how we shouldn’t be friends anymore. I agreed with her, considering the fact that she couldn’t trust me.
But then, without explanation, for the next few days, Alice was friendly and nice. At that point, I was broken. I’ve been crying over this. What should I do? — Confused Girl
Dear Confused Girl: Her behavior is certainly confusing; it makes no sense. One day she is nice, and the next day she is mean, and then she is nice again. If you want this friendship to continue, you have to find out why she doesn’t trust you. If she makes up a reason, or if you don’t agree with her, then I might pull away and find a new friend, one who is consistently kind. She might also be suffering from a mental illness. If her behavior continues to be erratic, encourage her to seek help.
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