Dear Annie: My husband has admitted to me he is an alcoholic. We never used to think of it that way until last summer, when he let his drinking get out of hand, and now every weekend he gets drunk. Now, he’s home most of the time, but there have been occasions when he has gone to the bars with his brother and other friends, leaving me at home alone with our kids.
I can’t drink right now because I am breastfeeding our infant, and I have noticed what a big part alcohol plays in his life. I don’t want to force him to get sober; he’ll just push back and get worse. I have told him on multiple occasions that I support him however he needs me to.
Now, I’ve read something recently about Families Anonymous for the family of an alcoholic. I would be interested in doing that so I can learn ways to support myself and him during his time of sobering up, but I don’t know if that would be seen as me pushing him to get sober. Also, none of the meetings are anywhere near me. And I’d rather do in-person meetings if possible.
Is there a good way for me to go about explaining I’m interested in doing this? Is there something I can read that might help me get through this myself? I know this is going to be hard for him to get sober along with quitting smoking. But we both know he can’t continue living the punk kid life. He’s not a kid anymore, and drinking takes a huge toll on him. — Alcoholic’s Wife
Dear Alcoholic’s Wife: You might want to check out Al-Anon to see if there are meetings closer to your home. Don’t worry about his reaction. He admits he has a problem, and you will be attending meetings to seek support and advice. He knows he can’t keep living the “punk kid life.”
Dear Annie: Although I know you are sincerely offering help to people, please know that Al-Anon is for “friends and family of those whose lives have been affected by alcohol.”
Granted, while the loved ones may have other addictions, Al-Anon’s focus is on alcohol. When people come with other concerns, it dilutes the focus of this program.
I have been a grateful member for 42 years. Although we recognize the pain people may be suffering due to another’s addictions, the focus must remain on the greater good for the entire group, with the focus on alcoholism.
There are many groups offering help — Narcotics Anonymous, Alcoholics Anonymous, Overeaters Anonymous, Gamblers Anonymous, etc. Please encourage people to seek help through groups that focus on their concerns. — Al-Anon Supporter
Dear Al-Anon Supporter: Thank you for your letter. I am running it immediately after a letter from a reader whose husband is an alcoholic, and my advice is Al-Anon. It is truly wonderful that there are so many other 12-step programs that offer help and support to those who are suffering, including family members.
Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.
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