DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’ve been with my husband for almost five years. He has a son in his 20s who still lives with us. I am really, really bothered because both of them tell everyone EVERYTHING that goes on in our household.
Topics include what goes on, good and bad, between my daughter and me; my job; if I cook dinner; if I don’t cook dinner; if I made it to work that day; what I talk about; what I do for fun. Just everything!
I feel like I’m living in a reality show, and maybe should be in one, since there are apparently so many people interested in everything that goes on in our relationships and lives.
I’ve expressed to my husband and his son that I like my privacy and that it’s disrespectful for them to go telling the whole world everything that goes on in my life. And they continue to do it.
Some of the things they have said have been exaggerations, or even lies. I feel violated, and I’ve hit the point where I think maybe this isn’t the right relationship for me. I don’t know what to do.
GENTLE READER: You don’t want to live in a reality show?
Miss Manners was beginning to think that everyone did. What is social media, if not a forum for all to expose themselves (sometimes literally)?
Your relatives are not the only people to whom the concept of privacy is meaningless, or perhaps only an excuse for people who are ashamed of themselves to hide. The idea that one can join the celebrity culture by documenting the mundane details of one’s life, or issue press release-type bulletins showing an enchanted life, is everywhere.
So you will have to teach your family what privacy means: the pleasure of a private family life that is all yours. The ability to make your own rules and habits without regard to general conventions. Freedom from the constant judgments of outsiders, which, especially on social media, often take a nasty turn. And so on.
Good luck in trying to make them understand. If that fails, the fallback argument is that you simply do not like living that way. If that does not matter to them, you have a more basic problem than Miss Manners can help you with.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: My best friend asked me what I was doing for my birthday. I told her that I wasn’t sure. I had been thinking about a dinner party, but it may be very costly.
My mother always told me if you are going to have a party, then you need to pay for everyone. My friend disagrees and says that I should just charge a price for the party and forget about it. What is the rule here, or is there one?
GENTLE READER: You know the rule; your mother taught it to you.
But you want additional advice. Very well. Miss Manners advises you to invite your guests to tea instead of dinner; it is not costly.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.