Dear Amy: We have lovely neighbors. They are great. We feel so lucky!
I am a professional landscape designer, and just a little – uptight – about my own garden.
I try not to impose my anal retentive obsessions upon others unless they are paying me to do so, but holy noxious weeds – my neighbors’ lesser celandine is taking over! This is a terrible, invasive weed that smothers other plants. Native plants and pollinators do not have a chance.
I have put up a fence – the nicest one I can. But it is only a matter of time before this plant has spread everywhere. It doubles every year, spreading underground and on the wind and boots of others.
Chemical control is the only realistic solution, even according to top, planet-loving experts.
Should I offer to have my crew take care of it?
These lovely people do not care at all about their garden. That is their prerogative. They have a crew who are the worst I have ever witnessed. They whack down the whole thing to the dirt every fall, cleaning it like it’s a bathroom. This gives this weed all the sunlight it wants, and now their choices are affecting me.
Time is of the essence. There is a short window where this can be taken care of, before I have to wait another year, and then it will be twice as bad.
What can I say, or offer to do, without overstepping?
– Trying to be a Good Neighbor
Dear Good Neighbor: First, you should acknowledge the possibility that your neighbors like to look out and see this carpet of glossy leaves sprinkled with yellow flowers in early spring. They may see it as the perfect, low-effort landscape that requires no mowing or maintenance.
(Where I live, we call this plant “Brazen Hussy,” which is reason enough to like it.)
So before approaching your neighbors, you should prepare yourself for the idea that they either like what they have, or simply don’t want to change. Do not assume that they don’t care.
In my view your best option is to offer your full expertise to them.
Acknowledge that this plant is a pretty harbinger of spring.
Explain to them that the plant is very invasive and poisonous to some wildlife.
Offer to redesign and re-landscape the affected area, at your effort and expense.
Do not criticize their yard, their crew, or their taste, but do be honest that the plant is creeping over into your yard, and so your offer has some benefit to you.
Review some options with them for replacing this plant with other low-growing flowering woodland plants (sweet woodruff or myrtle) that won’t create problems.
If they agree, draw up a plan, have them sign a standard contract, and waive all your fees.
Dear Amy: My wife and I read your column in the Washington Post every morning (yes, we still get a newspaper!).
We like to haggle over the questions and your responses. We don’t always agree with each other, or with you.
We do wonder though: Are you ever stumped?
– Faithful Readers
Dear Faithful: I am frequently stumped (“stumped” is more or less my default mode), which is why I rely on my background as a reporter to research answers.
I am also a member of a large and loud family – and I often seek their advice.
Dear Amy: “Old Worrier” isn’t his daughter’s biological father, and in his elder years he is really struggling with how to disclose this to her.
His daughter may already know more than he thinks.
My mom told me when I was in my mid-50s that she had something she needed to tell me, and I said, “Mom, I already know.”
I’d known my Dad wasn’t my biological father for more than 15 years.
I realized years before that things just didn’t add up.
I kept my silence for their sakes. It didn’t matter to me why or who. I knew I was loved and raised by the man who was meant to raise me.
Whatever mistakes (or secrets) were made in their past were theirs.
It never changed anything, but it gave my Mom peace to tell me when she was ready.
– Raised by Dad
Dear Raised: My heart went out to this elder father who loved his daughter so much, but was haunted by the knowledge that he wasn’t her biological father. I hope their family has as beautiful a resolution as yours has had.
Your folks raised you well.
You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068.
