Dear Amy: I am a 58-year-old worker who was recently laid off. My company hired someone to turn around the department and she failed miserably.
The company terminated her and then threw the babies out with the bathwater, getting rid of me and another coworker at the same time. I guess it worked out well for them because the other fired coworker and I were outspoken about what was going on in our department.
We knew the new business model would fail and it did.
The hiring manager who created this mess in this extremely toxic environment is a nightmare. Most employees fear her because she is cruel, condescending, and a narcissist. I have seen her reduce people to tears. She is a bully.
This person needs to be told off, and I want to be the one to do it.
Should I express myself, copying her manager and the CEO, as people need to know what’s going on? Or should I let it go and move on?
I really feel the need to express myself so that I can leave this behind.
– Terminated
Dear Terminated: Definitely write the letter. Get it all out!
Tape the letter to your refrigerator for a week so that every time you reach for the milk, you see it. Grrrr; you really let her have it!
And then, when you’ve worked through your rage about this, destroy the letter and move on with the next phase of your life.
You “knew the new business model would fail and it did.” You were outspoken about problems while you were working there.
Given the company’s choice to excise your team, they must be aware of the issues that affected it.
In my (limited) experience, there are times when someone is hired specifically to eliminate positions. And, once they’ve done so, they get the axe.
My larger point is that – even though everything you say is true – your choice to express your unfiltered views could end up backfiring on you in unforeseen ways, affecting your ability to get another position.
Dear Amy: I am friends with a single mother who works two low-wage jobs. There are some months when she can’t pay her bills. I have loaned her money many times.
The problem is that it’s like pulling teeth to get my money back.
She seems to feel that since I get a decent retirement check and Social Security check, I don’t need my money back. Also, whenever we go out to eat, she feels like I should always pick up the tab.
I worked for 33 years for the state where I live, which has one of the highest costs of living in the entire country, so I need to be careful with my money.
How can I get her to understand that I need my money?
– Generous
Dear Generous: One way that people successfully get loans repaid is to make it clear that no more money will be loaned until the previous owed amount is repaid.
However, I think that your expectations of this hard-working single mom are unreasonable. She is barely keeping her head above water, and in helping her you are also helping her children.
First, you should feel good about your own generosity.
Never lend more money than you can afford to lose, in case she can’t – or won’t – repay you.
And yes, you should pick up the check when you two eat out. Doing this is giving your friend a treat – and a break. If you can’t afford to do this, then you shouldn’t eat out.
Dear Amy: Wow! You seriously advised “Dutiful Daughter” to ignore her mom’s boundaries and suggested the daughter “supervise” mom’s hospital treatment.
As a mother with adult daughters, I have a right to limit hospital visits and to have my medical privacy respected: My body, my choices – no matter how well-meaning my daughters may be.
Plus, what absolute ageism to automatically assume that this mother is incapable of handling her own care.
If she felt she needed an “advocate” she would have asked for one – perhaps in fact she does have an advocate, just not this particular daughter.
Totally out of line advice.
– My Body, My Choice
Dear My Body, My Choice: You make great points, but in my response I did suggest that this daughter respect her mother’s wish for privacy. I did not suggest “supervision,” but communication about her care. In my experience, anyone – regardless of age – should have an advocate during a hospital stay.
You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068.
