Dear Amy: A real estate agent helped us through numerous deals within a short 18 months — expertly, deftly and patiently.
In the end she closed a total of five local sales, all through us. Because of this, she won an award from her prestigious agency and became their No. 1 regional agent.
She still texts/calls/emails often, wanting to get together for lunch, coffee, dinner, etc. While working together, we took her out several times to thank her for her efforts, but it has been a year since we closed everything. We are maxed-out, both emotionally and financially.
After declining her invitations many times, I am at a loss. I avoid her calls. This leads to her texting, which I also now ignore. When all else fails, she SHOWS UP at our house.
If we are not home, she will just ring the doorbell (knowing that because my elderly father-in-law lives with us there will be at least one adult at home at all times).
Last time she showed up with chocolates and candy, which my father-in-law ate. I asked her not to bring any more sweets because they endanger his health, and she got mad and then announced that she would bring a “yellow cake soaked in condensed milk.”
She also has been constantly updating us on our “old homes,” telling us what the buyers are now doing with the houses. This also tells me she is constantly dropping in on these other properties.
I do not want these updates, and told her so.
I have refused her invitations for a year. I have asked her not to bring sweets. I have told her that I don’t need updates. I am now ignoring her texts and phone calls.
The last time she showed up, I stayed out of sight. I could hear her asking about me at the front door.
Is there anything else I could be doing? I can’t take much more of this.
— Exhausted
Dear Exhausted: You should create a log of this person’s unwelcome contact with you over the past year, in the unlikely event that you might need it later. Keep a screenshot of her texts and your responses.
Continue your current ghosting campaign. If she doesn’t taper off, but responds by showing up at your house, you should then send an email to her office address: “It has been over a year now since the last real estate transaction closed, and we’d like you to know that we have no need to hear from you further. Please do not continue to contact us, and do not EVER show up at our house unless invited.”
You should then block her on your phones.
If she violates your wishes, you should consider contacting the prestigious real estate company she represents to share your concerns about this boundary-crossing agent. She may need more training — or a mental health referral. If necessary, you could also investigate getting a restraining order.
Dear Amy: Recently when our youngest son and daughter-in-law bought their first home, my wife and I gave them a cash gift (abiding with all regulations) to help them with their down payment.
My question is do you think we should give our oldest unmarried son an identical cash gift?
Our feelings are that we would give this money to our oldest son if he ever decides to purchase a home in the future. We shared that with him.
However, we also realize that he may never choose to buy a home. It seems unlikely for him.
So should we give him the same amount we gave to our youngest son and daughter-in-law?
— Undecided Retired Parents
Dear Undecided: If you can afford to, yes, I think you should offer the same amount of money to your eldest son, for him to invest as he chooses.
Many prosperous parents believe that home ownership is a necessary step toward building wealth, but people who came of age during the 2008 recession and mortgage crisis might not see home ownership as a solid marker of financial stability and adulthood.
Dear Amy: “Upset” was the retired neighbor who blasted music while working in his garage, angering his neighbor.
Thank you for calling him out for his lack of consideration, but you never offered a solution!
The obvious answer is for this man to use earbuds.
— Surprised by You
Dear Surprised: This dispute had become the primary issue for “Upset,” who had already turned his music down. But yes — earbuds are the answer.
You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068.
