Dear Amy: I recently attended a community band concert, which was spoiled by small children in the audience, crying and fussing. To make matters worse, the family was sitting at the front of the auditorium, so they added to the distraction by not only walking the entire length of the auditorium to remove the crying children, but returning with them later – all the way to the front.
What is wrong with inconsiderate people who ruin a pleasant experience, not only for the other concertgoers, but also for the performers who have worked hard to put on the performance?
I understand that parents want to expose their children to varied cultural experiences, but unless the venue has a family “cry-room” they should not expect them to sit still for a long performance.
What should one say to these parents? Tell them to sit in the back row so they can make a hasty exit with fussy children? Ask them to leave and not come back? Leave the kiddies at home with a babysitter?
– Distracted Concertgoer
Dear Distracted: It is a shame that young members of the community spoiled your experience at a community concert.
But there’s an old show-biz saying that I believe applies here:
Thems the breaks, sister!
This is a community concert. Community bands and choruses are wonderful organizations where dedicated amateur musicians dust off instruments from the back of their coat closets, attend a number of rehearsals, and perform for a grateful and understanding audience.
This is a fun and challenging opportunity to show your chops alongside your friends and neighbors and perform in a low-pressure setting.
Yes, parents should hustle crying and fussing babies out – and then bring them back in when they’ve calmed down (during applause in between musical selections).
But here’s a reminder: Many people are only now venturing out again after years of being sequestered. It’s noisy out here in the world!
You might try to hear the noises made by fractious babies as being part of the larger human symphony. To many of us, it truly is music to our ears.
Dear Amy: Before my son was born over 40 years ago, my ex-husband was said to have a low sperm count.
We decided to use artificial insemination to conceive our eldest.
After he was born, we had two other children naturally without artificial insemination.
My husband and I divorced after 20 years of marriage. We are both happily remarried.
My problem is that I don’t know if I should tell my son.
I have tried to communicate with my ex, and even though we are on friendly terms, he refuses to answer my texts about this.
He obviously does not want to deal with it.
I think my son should know. After my ex and I are dead, he or one of his children may have a medical issue where he needs to know the facts of his conception.
I am in a quandary and have no idea what to do.
Your advice?
– Mom
Dear Mom: You feel strongly that your son should know the truth behind his conception (I agree).
You are not able to get his father to participate in this important conversation, but you are his mother, and so you should go ahead and tell him.
I believe that knowing the truth of your DNA is a human right.
Your son might greet this news with shock, disbelief, and sadness. He might face a challenge wondering how he relates to his father and siblings. He might choose to shelve this topic permanently – or pick it up later.
Open the door, and keep it open. Let him walk through. Answer every question truthfully, and offer your continued support.
The Donor Sibling Registry (https://donorsiblingregistry.com/) offers an array of tools and information for donor conceived people and their families.
Dear Amy: Your answer to “Not Going to Apologize This Time” was bad.
Their father came to show his respect for their mother at her funeral.
She was a huge part of his life, good and bad. He may have many tender memories. These children denied him this poignant goodbye.
A funeral is a formal chance for everyone to mourn, and not a time to air personal resentment. I’m disappointed with your answer.
– V
Dear V: This man, who treated their mother “terribly,” claimed that he was attending the funeral “to support his children.” His children did not want him there. Showing respect for their needs was one way he could have honored the relationship.
You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068.
