DEAR ABBY: I need advice regarding my husband’s friend and how I should handle a delicate situation. My husband has a woman friend. (She has a boyfriend.) They recently helped us move, which we really appreciate. She likes to make sexual jokes, and my husband does, too. I’m not a prude, but I don’t enjoy the kind of flirty vibe she puts out.
When they were helping us move, we went out for meals. She and I had privately shared that my husband and her boyfriend would sometimes forget to zip up after using the bathroom. Well, while we were walking to the car, she zipped up my husband’s zipper for him! I laughed it off, but it kind of caught me off guard. Later, my husband told me he thought it was weird, and so do I.
Should I tell her it was crossing a line? She seems pretty clueless, but I don’t want it to happen again. — AWKWARD IN THE WEST
DEAR AWKWARD: Your husband’s friend appears to have a difficult time understanding boundaries. Because it made your husband uncomfortable, HE should tell her that what she did was weird and, if he forgets to zip up in the future, she should TELL him his zipper is open so he can fix it himself.
DEAR ABBY: I recently started a relationship with “Chase,” a man I’ve known for a year. We don’t have time to see each other during the week. I have two jobs; he has one. He works Monday through Saturday. He’s also in a sports league that gets together for practice and games on Sundays.
The problem is, every weekend for the past six weeks he’s said he’d try to come see me, but by the end of the weekend, something always happened, so he didn’t. To be brutally honest, I’ve seen “friends with benefits” guys every week for years more often than I’ve seen Chase.
I don’t like having to wait this long to see him, so I recently suggested going back to being just friends. What’s the point in being in a relationship with someone I rarely see? I don’t think I should continue waiting. Do you agree? — IMPATIENT IN NEW JERSEY
DEAR IMPATIENT: If Chase was truly motivated to see you more than occasionally, he would make the time. You have my permission to quit waiting for him. And, as you move forward (and on), ASSUME that you have been “just friends” from the time he stopped showing up when you were available.
DEAR ABBY: I’m Spanish, and my husband is Indian. I have a daughter from a previous relationship, and I also share a baby boy with him. Most of the time, he speaks to the baby in Telegu, which is fine with me. I would love for my baby boy to learn the three languages — English, Spanish and Telugu — but every time I speak with my daughter in Spanish, my husband thinks we’re talking about him and gets mad, which I think is unfair, as I can’t prohibit my daughter from speaking her language. Could you please give me some advice? — TRILINGUAL IN THE EAST
DEAR TRILINGUAL: I’m sorry you didn’t mention how old your daughter is. She should practice her English as well as her Spanish. Point out that her stepfather feels excluded when she speaks extensively to you in Spanish, which leaves him out of the conversation, and to please be more sensitive to his feelings.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
