DEAR ABBY: My brother “Gene” passed away a few months ago. He had been in and out of the hospital for most of 2022. He had four children, and while he wasn’t close to them, he tried to have a relationship with them. One child lived in the same town but wanted nothing to do with him.
When they found out Gene was dying, they all wanted to know what they were getting. Gene’s last wish was that they not be informed about his death. I felt I owed it to him to honor his wishes.
Prior to his passing, his oldest child was saying what a horrible father he was. Now my brother is gone, and she’s mad she “didn’t get to grieve” and posting nasty things about me on social media. I won’t stoop to her level and respond. Gene quit talking to all of them four months before his death. Was I wrong for not telling them? — HONORING MY BROTHER
DEAR HONORING: No, you were not wrong. You honored your brother’s wishes. It is sad that his children didn’t have a chance to mend fences with their father before his passing, but they will have the rest of their lives to grieve — if you can call frustration over not inheriting anything “grieving.”
DEAR ABBY: I’m bipolar, and my best forever friend is in her third physically abusive relationship. After he moved in with her I told her I had to end the friendship because he also has mental health issues and carries a gun. I’m afraid for her safety.
Because I survived and left my own abuser, I take my safety seriously. Another friend says I should be there for her. I did tell her police officer granddaughter about the abuse. Should I stay or should I go? — FRIENDSHIP CHALLENGE IN VIRGINIA
DEAR FRIENDSHIP CHALLENGE: Do not allow anyone to guilt you into putting yourself into a dangerous situation. Assure your friend that once this risky romance ends, if she’s still in one piece, you will be there for her. You did the right thing by alerting your friend’s granddaughter that her grandmother might be in danger. The woman may need counseling so she won’t continue getting into abusive relationships.
DEAR ABBY: I recently was told that my late father-in-law was a serial child abuser who molested his daughter and at least two of his grandchildren. My husband loved and deeply respected his parents. Should I tell my husband this information? Should I ask my grown son if he was also molested as his cousins were? I don’t want to “rock the boat,” but I want to do what is best for my son, and I’m not used to keeping things from my husband. — WISH I DIDN’T KNOW
DEAR WISH: Who gave you this information, and why? Was it a credible source? Were your late father-in-law’s alleged crimes reported to the authorities? If you trust your source, by all means, talk to your son and ask if his grandfather ever did anything that made him uncomfortable. Why would you keep this from your husband? Tell him what you were told and by whom.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
