Dear Annie: As a child, it was obvious that I needed braces to correct an overbite and crowding of the teeth. Kids made fun of me all the time, and I became severely depressed. My mother was a cold person, and I didn’t have a positive relationship with my stepfather or stepsister.
In my 30s, after counseling, I finally had braces put on my teeth. I’m now in my late 60s, and my dentist explained that the problems I am now experiencing are because the pockets created when moving teeth do not completely fill in when you’re older.
It seems like, even though I take good care of my dental hygiene, I regularly have to undergo painful deep cleaning and repair work. I have worked at forgiveness toward my parents, but every time I have to undergo another painful session with the dentist, I get furious all over again that this was not taken care of when I was a child. I don’t know how to handle this forgiveness when the pain is ongoing. — Failing to Forgive
Dear Failing to Forgive: The best way to handle it is to know that forgiveness is not something you are doing for your parents — you are doing it for yourself so that you can be free. You want to be free from the resentment that you understandably have toward your parents for not taking care of you the way you would have liked.
Know that had they known better, they would have done better, but they never did know — and you had to pay the price. The best way to move on is to let go of the past and focus on the years ahead. The forgiveness is not about them; it is about freeing yourself. You are worthy of living without that baggage.
Dear Annie: I must take exception to an errant sentence in an otherwise excellent letter in a recent column. The reader wrote, “I’m 63 and number eight of a Catholic family of 10. Only one sibling remains Catholic; most of us went to other churches and are now Christian.”
It needs to be pointed out that Catholics ARE Christians, as Roman Catholicism is one of the three major groups of Christianity, along with Protestantism and Eastern Orthodoxy. Many evangelical Protestant Christians would have you believe that Roman Catholicism is either a non-Christian denomination or a less pure form of Christianity, but this simply is not true, although obviously there are many distinct differences.
Anyway, just felt compelled to point this out in case it comes up again. We enjoy your columns, and keep up the good work! Thank you. — A Proud Lifelong Roman Catholic
Dear Proud Catholic: Thank you for sharing that distinction.
Dear Annie: I have one grandson who has never cared for hugging. So a few years ago, he and I came up with our own special fist bump. After the “bump,” we touch the tips of our index and pinky fingers. This puts our hands in the same position as “I love you” in sign language. He is now 12. — Special Fist Bump
Dear Fist Bump: Thank you for your suggestion. I love that you were able to connect with him in a way that felt safe and good for him.
Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.
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