DEAR MISS MANNERS: Our new neighbors are well-known for being troublemakers. We are maintaining a cold and distant relationship with them, due to their famously disrespectful ways, and we have already been warned they are gossiping about us because of this.
I had to request intervention from the police due to them constantly blocking the entrance to my garage. I need to know if there is something polite I can write in my social media feed, which they follow, to the effect of, “The original homeowners are always remembered for their excellent behavior, respect, good boundaries and friendly relations — things that the new owners are completely lacking.”
We are ignoring them, but they haven’t forgotten my call to the police and are constantly gossiping that we are the bad ones.
GENTLE READER: Etiquette will sanction your ignoring the new neighbors you so dislike — or, when forced to interact with them, keeping your relations merely civil — if we can agree that attacking them on social media and calling the police on them cannot be fairly called either cold or distant.
Miss Manners recommends actually ignoring them because it requires so much less effort — and because civilities fail once the attacks begin.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: Because of the pandemic, health and illness are on many people’s minds. I am lucky to be in good health, but many of my friends seem to be obsessed with being sick, and it’s starting to wear on me.
I’m tired of them constantly obsessing over their health. I feel like I have to always sympathize and provide endless support to their worries. How do I handle this in a respectful way?
GENTLE READER: A certain amount of sympathy for the genuine problems of a friend is expected. But talking endlessly about one’s health — like talking endlessly about any other aspect of oneself — is a bore.
The solution is to change the subject, change your position in the room, or, if all else fails, change the guest list next time. Miss Manners prefers this to expecting conversational reciprocity, as she finds talking about her own health equally boring.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I recently lost my mom and we just had the service. My brother has two stepsons, and in the obituary, they were mistakenly left off the list of grandkids.
Biologically, my mom had a total of six grandkids, who were all mentioned in the obituary. My sister-in-law was very offended that her two sons weren’t mentioned. They knew my mom, of course, but were not involved with her on a regular basis at all.
Was this wrong that we didn’t mention them?
GENTLE READER: Yes, but Miss Manners would have counseled your sister-in-law that the service was not the time to express offense at an innocent mistake. Nor would she have pointed out that treating the stepsons as if they are not part of the family is ungracious: She would have assumed that the omission was done by accident.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
