DEAR MISS MANNERS: After chatting online with a man for several days, we agreed to meet for coffee. Within a few minutes of meeting face-to-face, this man informed me that he was going to ask me several political questions, and that if our political opinions didn’t match, there would be no second date.
I told him I had come for what I hoped would be a promising date, not a political discussion or test. When I refused to participate, he declared the date to be over and left. Was there a better way to handle this?
GENTLE READER: No; it did the trick, which was to rid you of an unpleasant interrogator who hadn’t decided whether you were worth getting to know. (Anyway, Miss Manners thought that people put that sort of requirement in their dating profiles to save themselves fruitless encounters.)
DEAR MISS MANNERS: Our son is getting married soon, and there won’t be a rehearsal dinner for my spouse and me to host. (We’re helping to pay for the wedding, along with the couple and her parents, if that’s relevant.)
Ten to 12 of our family members will be flying in for the wedding, and I’m wondering if we ought to host any events for them — a dinner, brunch or excursion, for example. Most of the bride’s family live near her and our son, and we don’t know their plans.
My spouse says no to hosting something, but I’m concerned that some might expect at least a dinner. Frankly, we can afford it. Any advice to avoid misunderstandings?
GENTLE READER: There will be no misunderstanding if you ignore your relatives who have flown in for your son’s wedding. It will be clear that you do not value the opportunity to spend time with them.
That is not to say that you must plan all sorts of auxiliary events to occupy them. Miss Manners disagrees with the notion that a proper wedding includes a prewedding softball game and a post-wedding sightseeing tour. But as you can afford to have a meal with them, that would be a gracious thing to do.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: On his birthday, a colleague posted “Happy birthday to me” on social media, along with multiple pictures of himself. I have not replied to the post, nor acknowledged his birthday, because to me, his behavior is too much. And if he’s already congratulating himself, there’s no need for me to do it.
Am I equally inappropriate for saying nothing?
GENTLE READER: No. As your colleague is congratulating himself, your doing so strikes Miss Manners as forcing yourself into someone else’s selfie.
She feels the same way about people who applaud themselves — they do not need her help.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: My great-nephew sent me an announcement stating that he had earned his MBA from a university.
I sent checks for high school graduation and college graduation. Is it appropriate to send a check for this momentous accomplishment? Or would it be gauche to do so?
GENTLE READER: Try as she might, Miss Manners has a hard time picturing even the most fastidious of young men being offended by a check from a relative.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
