DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it appropriate for a guest to close the door to the guest bedroom when they are not in the room? We have an occasional houseguest who does this, both when they are hanging out with us at home and when they leave the house. Is it the guest’s territory to do as they please for the duration of the visit?
Our guest bedroom is an office/library with a Murphy bed. We typically don’t need to go into that room when we have guests, only occasionally to fetch a book or an item from the closet.
On the other hand, our family leaves doors of unoccupied rooms open, and having a room closed off with no one in it bothers me a bit.
Is there any etiquette around this? Relatedly, if a guest does leave the door open, is it OK to (briefly) go into the room when they are not there? Maybe I’ve felt too free to enter, and this is why the guest closes the door.
GENTLE READER: Or perhaps they are worried about the mess you might find in there. But yes, Miss Manners believes that there is an unspoken contract that once occupied, a guest room is largely the guest’s territory — within reason — and exceptions should come with notice: “I may have to go in occasionally to fetch some work when you’re gone, but I will do my best not to disturb anything.”
This gives your guests sufficient warning that you may have to enter — and that they should keep any private items hidden.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: When my wife is out of town or otherwise engaged, I enjoy going out to eat by myself. The issue is that I know a single diner is not very profitable for the waitstaff, especially when I’m seated at a four-person table or booth.
I try to go when I know the restaurant won’t be busy, but I can’t always make that work. When they are busy, I try to tip extra (typically 50% to 80%), but they don’t know during the meal that I will do that. I often feel rushed out the door.
Should I acknowledge the tipping issue upfront and assure them they won’t be shorted? Should I go on quietly tipping extra and try to ignore their efforts to rush me? Should I just not worry about it and tip normally?
GENTLE READER: How would you phrase this? “Don’t worry. I’m going to tip you enough to make this worth your while”?
Not only is this unseemly, but it could also be ineffective. The servers may well appreciate it, but the seating turnover is likely dictated by their employers, not them.
You could eat at the bar, where the menu is usually the same and the space not as restricted. But if this does not suit you, Miss Manners assures you that neither extravagant tips nor resignation to being rushed are obligatory. As long as you are not abusing it, you have as much right as any paying customer to be there.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
