DEAR MISS MANNERS: My puppy is an unusual and striking color — particularly for his breed, but really for any dog. Now that he’s almost full-grown and lost a lot of his puppy cuteness, he’s no longer stopping traffic while we’re out for walks. (Literally. Once, a city bus came screeching to a halt and the bus driver ran out to give him cuddles.)
He still gets more than his fair share of compliments. The problem is that if the complimenter is also walking a dog, I feel obligated to say something in return, even though I know “boomerang” compliments are not required.
Usually I can at least manage a “Thank you — and isn’t she sweet! What’s her name?” but sometimes, I’m afraid, it’s simply impossible to think of anything remotely complimentary to say. (I expect “Oh, I didn’t realize they made harnesses for rats!” won’t fly.)
Is it acceptable to merely say “thank you” and not offer a compliment to the other dog in return?
GENTLE READER: Perfectly. Because your adorable widdle guy prolly has to piddle — and will no doubt be urgently pulling you in that direction.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: My daughter recently lamented that, among her nine nieces and nephews, she has never received a simple acknowledgment of receipt, let alone a thank-you note, for her myriad holiday and birthday gifts. Even a bare-bones text would do, she says. What advice can I offer her? These children range in age from kindergarten through college, and she tells me none of their parents have ever responded, either.
My daughter is a longstanding pillar of joyful generosity in our extended family. Now she says she’s had it with sending gifts and cards. I just hate to see this flow of familial care dry up. What can I tell her? As a grandmother, do I have more of a role to play, too?
GENTLE READER: As the family matriarch, you can talk to your other offspring and advise them of your dilemma: “Poor Mae Lynn wants so badly to be involved with the children and enjoys buying them things. But I’m afraid that she’s getting discouraged since her gifts don’t seem to be acknowledged. Perhaps the children just don’t like presents?”
This will either result in a quick turnaround by the children — or a confirmation that the gifts are, indeed, unwanted. Miss Manners’ dollar is on the former.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: Some time ago, I was doing contract work for a large company. One day I passed my boss in the hallway, and she asked if I’d been at lunch, since I wasn’t at my desk.
I replied, “No, I was in the can.”
She seemed shocked at my response. I thought I was just being honest. In a performance review, she praised my work but said I was “too familiar” with people.
She’s quite a bit younger than I am, so I’m wondering if age was the issue, or maybe gender. I’ve referred to “the can” with other guys I’ve worked with, and none of them had a problem with it.
Is there a better way to tell someone when you have to go or just went?
GENTLE READER: So many. But “Excuse me” or “I was indisposed” are the only ones suitable for polite company. Miss Manners will leave it to you to decide if your “other guys” qualify as such.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
