We might not be the first Portland but we are the best Portland.
Exhibit No. 1,342: A news story out of Portland, Maine, headline: “New banners celebrating Portland’s history got facts wrong.”
Apparently, our magnitudes-smaller name twin to the east has been trying to drum up hometown spirit by making fun of … us!?!
First of all, we all know hurt (cities) hurt (cities) and who hurt you, Portland, Maine? Bangor? Lewiston? Because it wasn’t us.
A banner on a light pole in town, one of 60 unveiled last week, is sporting this cheeky message: “We were here first Oregon. You’re not even a port.”
First: Lololololololol.
Second: “Not even a port”?? Ummmm …
“If they’d just talked to a historian, or even a history major, they could have gotten it right,” Leigh Rush Olson, a tour guide who runs Old Port Historic Tours, told Bangor Daily News.
“I was shocked to read this as it’s not only insulting to the people of Oregon, but also insulting to the people of Maine who know this is incorrect,” Olson added.
Side message to Leigh Rush Olson: Portland, Oregon, welcomes you at any time. Come visit and we will show you historical accuracy and probably some good donuts.
For the rest of Portland who may have read and believed this sign, a bit of news: Rivers can have ports, too! Did you know that many goods are transported via river? That finding a river across the United States used to be a top goal for many? That our city is at the confluence of two rivers, namely the Willamette and the Columbia? And ships, very large ones, carrying goods, frequent our waters? And that many of those ships are both river and ocean-going vessels?
It’s OK that you didn’t know. We are famous for so many other things, the mountains, the beer, the bagpiping unicycler, the donuts. You can’t be expected to know about all of our many fantastic attributes. We couldn’t name one of yours, beyond your powerful-sounding name.
The good news? That factually incorrect banner is coming down.
And, look, Portland, Maine, absolutely no hard feelings. Let’s all agree that the real enemy is the Isle of Portland in England, the first Portland. The most interesting fact about that Portland is that on the island rabbits are apparently such bad luck that you can’t even say the word “rabbit” out loud.
Not sure how that fits onto a banner, but at least it’s something to pull out next time one of those British Portlanders tries to tell us they came up with the name first!
— Lizzy Acker
503-221-8052; lacker@oregonian.com; @lizzzyacker
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