DEAR ABBY: For the 30-plus years I have known him, my husband has never been social. When we were dating, he’d rather it just be the two of us, and avoided parties, group outings, etc. Because of this, I have given up trying to go out with friends, and even with his or my family members because he complains about having to go. When he does attend must-go-to-events such as Thanksgiving and Christmas, he’ll say a few words to everyone, and then sit quietly the rest of the evening, looking bored.
I have always been outgoing and social. I recently started working from home, so my workplace socialization has disappeared. I need socialization, and I don’t know how to tell my husband I am going to start doing things without him. He will consider that I am abandoning him. What would you suggest? — SOCIAL BUTTERFLY IN BUFFALO
DEAR BUTTERFLY: You are not going to change your husband. Before you become completely isolated, start doing things without him. Leave him at home where he’s comfortable. If he feels “abandoned,” quit making it your problem as you have before. You aren’t joined at the hip, and isolation isn’t healthy for YOU!
DEAR ABBY: A few months ago, my daughter told me she was with her boyfriend at the local bowling alley and they were kissing and hugging. When she went to use the ladies’ room, she was followed by an older woman who proceeded to “advise” my daughter about the local family planning clinic, as well as offer her opinion that teenagers need to be very careful in their sex lives so they don’t end up as young parents and derail their futures.
While I believe the woman had good intentions, I also think what she did was wildly inappropriate. I was tempted to report her to the police. What’s your opinion? Should I have contacted and confronted this woman? — NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS
DEAR N.O.Y.B: For you to have contacted the police or confronted the woman would have been extremely inappropriate. If your daughter and her boyfriend were putting on such a show for the other bowlers that an onlooker felt your daughter needed the information, she did your child a favor. An unintended pregnancy can, indeed, derail a young couple’s future.
DEAR ABBY: I have a lovely collection of cloth napkins, but no longer use them for holiday meals because my son-in-law of 15 years began using them as “hankies” at my formal dining table. He actually blows his nose in them. This grosses us out, but I’m afraid to say anything for fear he will pack up my grandkids and that will be the last we see of them. He has a doctorate degree, so it isn’t ignorance causing this. What would you do? — PROPER IN MICHIGAN
DEAR PROPER: What I would do is have a nice box of tissues at his place setting when he comes for dinner.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
