Dear Annie: My good friend “Sara” has a son who is getting married at the beginning of August. I have been in constant communication with Sara, offering help and telling her that I would love to be at the wedding. I have known Sara since high school, and we are close.
I was told in May that it will be a small wedding with only family. It will also be a destination wedding, and apparently there was not room for extra people, including me. I had no problem with this at all.
I received a call today from Sara, stating that they have a lot of “no” RSVPs and that they are now on their “B” list and that I am now invited. Our other high school girlfriends have already pooled together and are sharing an Airbnb. (I was the last one called.) I was not included and will need to get a hotel room by myself.
I am hurt. I was the first to be told about the wedding and was not pushy to get myself invited, understanding the constraints of a wedding, since I went through that with my son.
I have never met Sara’s son and have very little contact with her husband. Should I go? The flight would cost $1,000, and the hotel would be $250 a night — not to mention the cost of a gift, rental car, etc. I only received a phone invitation. What do other B-list invitees do? — Left Behind
Dear Left Behind: I can certainly understand feeling left out, but remember this is not Sara’s wedding. It is her son’s wedding, who you have never met. It is entirely possible that he has some type of relationship with Sara’s other girlfriends who were invited before you.
You should go only if you want to go. Would you have fun celebrating the couple, or would you feel left out and resentful the whole time? Can you afford it, or would you be stressing out about the cost? Once you answer these questions, you will know which decision is best.
Dear Annie: I’ve been married to a wonderful man for the past 32-plus years. Our life together has been filled with love and laughter, yet, due to my infertility issues, we have no children. I was unable to carry a baby to term the one time I did get pregnant (after more than 15 years of trying), and after that terrible miscarriage, we were both concerned if I tried it again, it could kill me, so we chose to stop. I’ve come to terms with that over the years, although it’s been really tough.
Over the past almost decade, my in-laws have virtually ignored my husband and me to go “play with the grandchildren” and other family members who all have children. My husband gets calls from his mother usually every month, yet she hasn’t called me in over six years. This was once a woman I was extremely close with, like my second mother, yet I’ve felt the distance getting wider and wider all the time as this favoritism worsens.
How do I either cut her out of my life permanently or repair this break? I can’t take this stalemate much longer. — Heartbroken in Oregon
Dear Heartbroken: I’m so sorry for your and your husband’s loss and the difficulty you’ve faced with infertility.
Someone who was once close enough to be like your “second mother” and who’s still close with your husband is surely worth at least attempting to make peace with. Have you tried reaching out to her over the years? Is it possible she hasn’t known all that you and your husband have been through? Start by making contact and proposing lunch or coffee for just the two of you.
At the end of the day, you can only control how you choose to move forward. Family is obviously very important to you and your in-laws. I’d say it’s definitely a relationship worth at least trying to mend.
Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.
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