DEAR MISS MANNERS: The other day, I took a package to the local post office. It was early, the line was very short, and I noticed the woman in front of me couldn’t get a handle on the three packages she was trying to take out to her car.
Not being in a hurry, I offered to help and took one package out for her. She thanked me, I said something about being happy to help, and went back in.
The man who had been in line right behind me thanked me four or five times, while also apologizing profusely for being waited on while I was gone. I certainly didn’t expect the whole place to pause while I went outside!
The woman behind him insisted I cut in front of her and thanked me several times, as did two other people.
I found it quite embarrassing and really didn’t know how to respond. I think I muttered something about needing all the brownie points in heaven I could get, and tried to just shrug it off.
What I could really use is a more polished “Oh shucks, ‘tweren’t nothin’” response that doesn’t call out anyone else for not offering to help, but rather shows that this is something I do as a matter of course. It is not anything special, and I don’t need to be praised. Or excessively thanked.
Any suggestions on how to be humbly classy — or classily humble? Or how to elegantly deflect unnecessary praise?
GENTLE READER: “Any of you would have done the same.”
True, this is a wildly optimistic statement. Miss Manners has been inundated with stories from people who are victims of fights in lines, and from tirades by those who believe attacks are justified for such minor infractions as standing too close or leaving the line momentarily.
Typically, these fights take place in grocery lines, so perhaps the aggressors are just hungry — whereas everyone in the post office had had a good breakfast before you met them.
But Miss Manners is increasingly alarmed that people are so antagonistic. So she is grateful not only to you, but to the others in that line.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: When serving cake to guests, my wife insists on giving each person two slices, “because serving one slice is stingy.” I contend that with many people looking to control their weight, one slice should be served initially, with the option of offering a second slice later. What do you suggest?
GENTLE READER: Thicker slices?
DEAR MISS MANNERS: While at my in-laws’ house with my husband, his mother privately presented him with a necklace to give to me. Once we were home, he gave me the necklace, and I thanked him. It is lovely.
Should I also thank his mother? I was there at the time and she did not give the necklace directly to me.
GENTLE READER: No, she did something even more gracious by letting her son pass it along as a family treasure.
Miss Manners is stunned that you are citing a technicality as justification to ignore that. You probably needn’t expect to get the earrings to go with it.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
