DEAR MISS MANNERS: We’re a family that loves olives, but, sadly, one that has no idea how to politely deal with the pits.
An overheard conversation between two guests at a party made me realize that I also don’t know how to serve them: I have not been providing what’s needed to avoid embarrassing them. For decades, it seems, I’ve been failing as a hostess.
Please help, and I’ll be sure to pass the info along to our children and grandchildren!
GENTLE READER: What on Earth was this overheard conversation? “You know, Sherry would be a perfect hostess if it weren’t for the unpardonable omission of someplace to put these olive pits. Now I am going to have to put them in my suit pocket, which will delight my dog, but infuriate my dry cleaner.”
If that is your worst sin of the decade(s), Miss Manners congratulates you on making a mistake that is so easily rectified. And it gives you something to do with all those old ashtrays.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is a shower planner to do? It is impossible to generate a manageable guest list anymore, given the climate of gender neutrality.
My gay girlfriends want to bring their partners; my transgender friends do, too. And my gay nephew wants to be invited along with his husband. Am I supposed to give all the invited guests a plus-one? I’m all for coed parties and showers, but they require twice as many seats and there are twice as many mouths to feed, which somewhat defeats the purpose of the shower.
If we now have to invite two guests from each household, where before it was only one, then venue options become limited, and the budget is stressed.
Should we just do away with bridal and baby showers?
GENTLE READER: Yes, if the result is going to be antagonizing all the couple’s friends.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: My 96-year-old father-in-law passed away several months ago, but his ex-girlfriend of only two years still expects to be at all of our family events.
The only one in the family who likes her is my sister-in-law, who keeps inviting her to birthdays, etc. without asking the rest of us if it’s OK.
The ex-girlfriend is not very nice — downright insulting at times — and she has family of her own here in town. How do we tell our sister-in-law we don’t want dad’s ex around anymore?
GENTLE READER: By not criticizing her guest list when she acts as hostess.
Explain that you completely respect your sister-in-law’s friendship with your father-in-law’s friend, and that you understand her decision to include her. But you will not be inviting her when you host.
Note the use of “friend” in place of “girlfriend” or “ex” to describe the unwanted guest. Miss Manners will not be entirely surprised if, after you have this conversation, your sister-in-law confesses that she does not like the woman, either — she just has not figured out how to say no to her.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
