DEAR MISS MANNERS: A Major League Baseball player has moved into the neighborhood where I live, and friends have told me that they have seen him at the grocery store, local restaurants, etc.
I would never interrupt someone’s meal, but if we were both examining vegetables in the produce section, would it be rude to say hi? I would never ask for an autograph or a selfie, but is it more polite to just ignore his existence?
GENTLE READER: “Hi” may confuse the player into thinking he knows you. And anything more than that may prevent him from properly examining his vegetables.
When it comes to encountering celebrities, Miss Manners recommends a quiet, unobtrusive, “I’m a big fan” before moving on. If this is executed properly, the player will be flattered — and relieved that he will not have to ignore his produce for long.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a relative who wears eyeglasses for certain tasks. When they are not in use, this person takes them off and lays them around my house.
That’s fine in most areas, but I draw the line at kitchen counters. I have repeatedly asked them not to put their glasses on the counter. They scoff it off and frequently do it anyway. This is unsanitary and disgusting, in my opinion. Am I overreacting?
GENTLE READER: Unclear. Because Miss Manners is having a hard time imagining how, exactly, the practice is unsanitary.
Regardless, it annoys you, so she suggests you try to solve the problem by giving your relative an eyeglass lanyard for their next birthday or holiday. “You always seem to be misplacing yours, so I thought this might help” is infinitely preferable to “Please keep your gross eye germs off of my kitchen table.”
DEAR MISS MANNERS: While celebrating a recent birthday at a lovely downtown restaurant, my husband and I and our adult children were welcomed by our server with a bottle of wine. The server handed my husband a card and said the bottle was a gift for him, and that the card would tell us who it was from (it turned out to be a business associate).
We are not typically wine drinkers, but on occasion, I do like a glass or two of a nice red. My husband wanted to return or exchange it for a cocktail or something of equal value. I thought that would be rude and inappropriate, so I said that I’d be happy to drink some wine. The server opened the bottle and poured for us.
My husband was unhappy that I had done this, since he doesn’t ever drink wine and it was his birthday. I felt that asking for an exchange was a bit beyond chutzpah-ish. What’s the right way to have handled the situation?
GENTLE READER: You could have asked the server to save the bottle for you, telling both him and the business associate who sent it that you wanted to enjoy it later, at home. Then your husband could have reasonably ordered something else with dinner.
Excepting that, Miss Manners agrees that the only other polite thing to have done was for you to graciously drink some wine. Meanwhile, your husband should leave the “but it’s my birthday!” tantrums to the under-5 set.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
