DEAR ABBY: My daughter, “Jessica,” is getting married. My husband offered to pay for most of the wedding. Jessica and her fiance happily accepted the offer. My husband is now insisting that all of HIS aunts, uncles and cousins be invited, which means that Jessica and her fiance will have to eliminate nearly all of their friends from the guest list. Note: None of MY aunts, uncles or cousins are invited, but I am OK with that.
My husband is now threatening not to attend the wedding because Jessica won’t add four more people to the list. He said if those additional people don’t come, two of his aunts will be unable to be there due to driving issues.
Is it our responsibility to make travel accommodations for all of the guests? It would eliminate four more of our our daughter’s friends. It’s Jessica’s day, and I think it should involve people she would like to be there, not who her father wants there. We had our wedding — this should be about her and her fiance. I’m at my wits’ end. Please help. — WEDDING WOES IN PENNSYLVANIA
DEAR WEDDING WOES: Your husband is a handful. As it stands, he has hijacked your daughter’s wedding with his checkbook. Jessica and her fiance should thank her father for his generous offer and refuse it. If she doesn’t, the event will no longer be their wedding, but her father’s family reunion.
If Dad refuses to go, you definitely should be there standing with the bridal couple. There are worse things than having a small wedding with just a few close friends. One of them is a father as controlling as your husband appears to be.
DEAR ABBY: A friend of many years, “Adam,” no longer speaks to me. We met in high school and were involved in band, debate club and other activities together. He recently discovered through a genealogy site that he was adopted and neither of his parents were his birth parents. The site led him to clues about other biological relatives, and he eventually reached his birth mother, who rejected his efforts to talk to her.
I recently learned about this from another high school friend. When I contacted Adam, he responded with hostility, stating that I am no longer his friend because I didn’t reach out when he was going through all this. But I didn’t KNOW at the time. I cannot locate any voice messages, emails, texts, etc. showing that he shared with me the details of what happened.
I live in a different part of the country now. I have offered to travel to visit him. I also offered to talk on the phone, but I’ve received only aggressive and bitter responses. How can I show Adam I do care about him, and that had I known about his situation at the time it happened, I would have been there for him? — TRUE BLUE IN WASHINGTON
DEAR TRUE BLUE: Your friend is going through a lot right now, and is rightfully angry that his birth mother rejected his effort to connect. He is hurt and looking for somewhere to transfer his anger. You shouldn’t be blamed for not reacting to something you were in the dark about. But until Adam is ready to recognize that fact and patch things up, nothing you can do will fix this. My advice is to sit tight for now.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
