Dear Annie: I am a high school sophomore, and my close friend of more than 10 years is suffering from an eating disorder. At lunch, it can be challenging for her to eat, but she takes it out on other people by criticizing and making fun of their food. One time, she even told me I was eating an apple wrong.
I know she is projecting her own food insecurities onto other people, but it makes me and everyone else at the table extremely uncomfortable. I’ve set boundaries several times and told her that it makes me feel bad, especially since I know that many people at our table struggle with body image and eating. She also already has a therapist, so I can’t just ask her to get help. I don’t want to guilt her, and I want to support her during this hard time, but I need to put myself first because it makes me feel bad about myself. What should I do? — Sick of Scrutiny
Dear Sick of Scrutiny: It sounds like you’re already doing all the right things. Try to have another conversation with her — one on one, so you don’t embarrass her — and explain why her food comments are so hurtful. If she still doesn’t change, it might be time for you to switch tables. After all, lunch should not be the most stressful period of the school day.
Dear Annie: I am a 67-year-old mother and grandma. Due to health reasons, I had to move in with my daughter and her family. My daughter’s significant other will go out and get food for everyone in the house but brings back nothing for me. I pay the rent and some of the bills because they can’t afford to. I get so frustrated, and I am so tempted to move out, but I know I need help as I can’t stand a long time to cook anything. I have trouble walking and must use a cane. I am scared to leave the house because of this. Losing your independence is frightening. Any suggestions? — Lost and Confused
Dear Lost and Confused: What a bizarre thing for your daughter’s significant other to exclude you from meals — especially when you’re helping to support the place they call home.
At its most innocent, it’s an oversight on their part. At its most calculated, it is intentional neglect that might fit into the category of elder abuse. Put together a list of food and other items you’d like to have when it’s time to shop and run errands, so your preferences and needs are clear. And don’t shy away from discussing it with your daughter directly. Surely, this can’t be the way she wants you to be treated, and if it flies with her, it might be time to redirect your money from their rent to your own spot at a senior living facility.
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