Dear Annie: My neighbor has started to honk her horn upon leaving for work each morning (prior to 7:30), and her husband and her children leave 10 to 20 minutes later. When I worked, we hugged our children and maybe waved to them.
When she honks, she does not take into consideration that the neighbors across the street have a newborn and the other neighbors are a retired couple who are in their late 80s. This is so annoying, and no one has approached her due to fear that she will honk even longer and more often.
Why do people not realize that to be a good neighbor, you must be respectful? Not quite sure how to handle this. — Loving a Quiet Morning
Dear Loving a Quiet Morning: Honking anytime except to prevent an accident or ward off danger is very rude. But honking prior to 7:30 a.m. in a quiet neighborhood is especially rude. Next time you see her, you might let her know there is a newborn asleep and other people are sleeping. Maybe she is just so overwhelmed with getting her children to school on time that she doesn’t realize how bad her behavior is. If she gets angry about your request and continues honking, you can call the police. There are fines for disturbing the peace.
Dear Annie: I painfully watch our daughter-in-law tease and belittle her pre-teen children, especially the older boy. She is very loving and generous with them, but also strict; she thinks she’s being funny. Her isolated, difficult upbringing by a single mom with no parenting skills left her with a tough “I’m fine” armor and the need to appear to be the perfect mom with perfect kids.
Our gentle son counteracts her actions by being very nurturing and supportive of the children, but I’ve never heard him cue her to tone it down. Even as she looks to me as a role model, she doesn’t ask for or take suggestions well, so I’ve always cringed rather than speak to her, and worked to be a supportive, accepting person in the children’s lives.
Do you have suggestions for things I could say or do to help her see how her behavior affects her children? Thank you for your insight. — Concerned Grammy
Dear Concerned Grammy: There is nothing funny about belittling or teasing someone. You sound very psychologically aware, especially to notice that her behavior comes from a place of insecurity based on her own upbringing. But that does not make it right. When people know better, they do better. So my guess is that she doesn’t know how damaging her teasing is.
Continue to lead by example, but also, talk to your son about your concerns. And in the meantime, continue to praise and support your grandchildren without the putdowns.
Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.
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