Dear Annie: My wife is a synagogue president, which is a highly visible position.
She has come across far more people than I ever have.
First, she has a so-called friend from her time at Mary Kay. This woman was a pushy lady who once called my father a loser. She denied ever saying that. My spouse says that she doesn’t believe either of us because she did not hear the conversation herself. For a time, she insisted that we continue to socialize with this person and her husband, but I refused and continue to do so.
In addition, my spouse wants me to remain sociable with a couple who came into our home on New Year’s Day. I said, “Happy New Year” to both, and they said absolutely nothing in return.
This second couple has never invited us to their residence. As synagogue members, I stay away from and will not acknowledge them. The husband saw me in our on-site restaurant area and tried to initiate a conversation. It took me three times to tell him to stay away, and he finally did. He doesn’t understand why I stay distant. My spouse doesn’t think that he is “evil.”
What is your best advice? I stand my ground and will not allow any of these people to get near me. Am I justified in doing such? — A Concerned Male
Dear Concerned Male: Your wife is a saint as well as a synagogue president. Of course, if this were a trial and we were adding up everyone’s mistakes, then yes, you might be justified in not wanting to socialize with a couple who was rude to you or the woman you heard say mean things about your father.
But all of that could also be a misunderstanding; maybe the woman did not speak badly about your father, and your wife is right in giving her the benefit of the doubt.
Instead of asking if you are justified, how about asking how you and your wife can have nice, harmonious friendships with other members of the synagogue, and also spending one-on-one time with your wife? Both are important for marriages: alone time and social time with friends. But if you keep finding faults with all her friends, that will continue to make life a whole lot more challenging for both of you.
Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.
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